Ride Hard

A couple months ago, Jodi and I decided to venture through the various trilogies pop culture had embraced over the past few years. We plowed through all the epic trilogies in like a month - Lord of the Rings (extended editions, box sets...don't judge), The Matrix, Spiderman (I still think Tobey Maguire is the best), Batman (of course, Christopher Nolan's adaptation stands alone - Christian Bale is Batman)...pretty much all the superhero series' from the past 20 years. And let me tell ya, there's a lot to daydream about in watching all that. As many times as I've watched those movies, there's always something inspiring to take away from them. I'm tellin' ya, there is real substantive inspiration to be found in these epic tales, though fiction they are. Just recently, I was struck by the recollection of a certain scene in one of these movies, as it related to what my wife and I have been experiencing lately. So here's where I'll begin...

Over the past year or so, I've been applying to a lot of churches, trying to get back into vocational ministry as a worship leader. It's been disheartening. Every application, every interview has come up empty, and not for lack of ability or leadership. Jodi and I were talking about all this the other day, and we noticed something strange: recently, in the past 5 months or so, the opportunities presented to me have turned from shoo-in's to slaps in the face. Churches that seemed to be sure-thing no-brainers ended up not only deciding to walk away from me as a candidate, but also hit me with the door on my way out. The first slap in the face was Florida. There was one church there that sent the worship pastor and associate worship pastor to observe me leading at a friend's church close by. It was a tantalizing prospect - moving to the oasis of Florida, with good friends nearby. The shoreline sweet life. I thought, "This would be nice, God." So I went to lead at my friend's church, and at the same time, I would kill two birds with one stone by giving the chaps from this prospect church a taste of my leadership style. After the gathering was over, I scanned the crowded room, only to find they had left right away without even speaking to me. I had gone all that way, and they didn't give me the decency of even a good-bye - needless to say, I never heard a peep from that church again.

Then a position opened up here in Charlotte at the sister church of the one I had lead part-time in for a year. Big church, nice area, people we knew, good salary. I thought, "This would be nice, God." I was scheduled for an observation leading at their Saturday night service about 3 months in advance. It was a long three months, waiting to interview like that. Each week was filled with anticipation to get off the bench and play. Finally the week came, all the preparation and anticipation was about to climax. Then the night before, that Friday night, I received an email through the church's worship team email list that they had decided on a candidate for their new worship leader. I think the email wasn't meant to include me, but my heart simultaneously exploded with anger and sank with depletion. Battleship sunk. What an unprofessional move. After much heart-aligning and peace-seeking that Saturday morning, I ended up leading that night. They handed me a check afterward, like they never really even considered me a candidate, just a fill-in leader while they were looking.

Then there was the local church plant I got connected to through a good friend from the last church I lead part-time. It was a solid connection, and connections are half the battle in paid ministry. And that part-time experience was a church plant as well, so I would fit comfortably in this new prospect. Comfortably, but honestly, not preferably. But it was something, so I thought, "This would be nice, God." The first ten minutes of my practice with the team, there was conflict. I was like, "Really?" I lead two weeks there, and I haven't heard a word from them since - that was over a month ago.

My face is cut from all the slaps I've been dealt. But as Jodi and I were talking, something became more and more clear: God doesn't want to give us nice. You may think He's a table-scraps God, but He's not. He's a God of feast, not famine. So often, we feel like we don't deserve any more than scraps. But that's not how God rolls. You may have been burned in the past, and this concept of a good God may sting; but like so many of us, your view of God is skewed. He's a God of open arms, not clenched fists...no matter what the culture around us tells you. I would have been miserable with "nice" opportunities, and God knows that. He wants to give me, and you, more than "nice."

So I thought, "What does 'more than nice' mean for me?"  And then something came to mind that I've been pushing off as impossible for a while now. We've been going to a church we absolutely love for a while now - Elevation. A friend of mine told me a long time ago that the best way to get into vocational ministry is to find a church you love first, then seek a deeper involvement from there. For so long, I've been trying to tread water by finding a church that is hiring first, then hopefully grow to love it. But it doesn't work like that, your heart will shrivel up and die first. So I did something to take a step in the Elevation direction last week - I applied to their apprenticeship program, the "Prodigy Program." Now, Elevation isn't one of those churches where it's easy to get involved on a deep level. Elevation is a church of over 12,000 people, with 8 campuses and an extremely guarded inner-core of paid involvement...and rightly so. It's a huge battle to even get positioned to where your gifts are considered for paid employment. And the apprenticeship doesn't mean you'll get hired, but it's the best stepping stone. So I applied, knowing it's an intense screening process. I know God wants to use my gifts of leadership and songwriting, but I don't know how that's all going to play out. I hope it starts at the church my wife and I love, and if I don't get accepted into the program, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do for employment...especially with a baby girl on the way.

So here's where the whole trilogy thing comes back into focus (that wasn't just a random thought to open my blog entry with). I'd been marinating on what all this means for quite some time, dressing the wounds inflicted on my face, when randomly one day recently, a moving scene from Lord of the Rings came to mind. Remember the scene where Arwen is rushing Frodo to the Elf Kingdom before he turns into a Ringwraith? Frodo had been stabbed by a Wraith, and he was fading fast. He needed the healing powers of the Elfs. Hero Aragorn charged his love, Arwen, to race him to her home Kingdom on her fastest horse, but the Ringwraiths were in chase right on her heels. I'll never forget that epic scene, Arwen flying through the pines in a race against time for Frodo's life, with death biting at her back. At one point, a stray branch from one of the pines strikes her face as she speeds past it. It leaves an instant laceration on her cheek, but her focus is so strong she hardly even reacts. That's the kind of faith I want. The extreme focus on the goal, on the promises of God that speak life to the full - in spite of the branches that cut my face on the way by.

Branch after branch has struck me right in the face as I've raced forward, but I will not lose my eye on God's purpose for my life. I will not lose heart. I will not lose aim of the hope I charge towards.

If you've not seen the movie, check out this clip and ask God to make clear what you need to focus on with such intensity as this. And I'll charge you the words Aragorn gave Arwen before she set off: "Ride hard - don't look back..."