It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I have a crazy passion for songwriting. And when I say passion, I mean a frenzied freeway of fervor buzzing through my bloodstream non-stop. I lose sleep over songs all the time. I fall asleep many nights dissecting and analyzing the lyrics of any given song I'm pounding away on, trying to hone in on the very word, syllable, rhyme pattern, metric nuance or thematic content that will better describe the verbal picture I'm trying to paint. It's locked away somewhere, and if I feel something can be better in my song, I will wrestle with the song until I unlock the best in it.
Our passions are good, God-given even. Every passion at its core is a gift of God and an avenue to honor Him, help others on their journey and bring us to a point of personal wholeness. Even the most grotesque, hell-bent, soul-degenerating "passions" have their root in God's design. The root of pornography is lust, and when we ask God redeem the lust in our hearts, we notice that at its root, lust is warped love. God gifted this world with a clean, healthy, Christ-centered version of love; but in humanity's brokenness, we warped love into something more artificial, something easier to replicate and quicker to satiate our need for love. Hence, pornography. Make sense? For more on this, see John Eldredge's fabulous book, Desire.
So, that's where my passion for songwriting enters again. You see, my God-given passion for songwriting soured. My passion was being fed by entitlement. I felt I had the right to expect God to use my songwriting gifts in the way I wanted, in the ways I thought best - according to my own agenda. And like any tree, when it's fed by something other than what God intended (like entitlement), it is slowly warped and dies. Try growing a sapling using only Dr. Pepper instead of water and see what happens.
For the past couple years, I have been so frustrated that my songwriting hasn't gone much farther than family and relatively close friends. I've been so tense and antsy for my songwriting to sprout wings and fly into the blue sky by-and-by, but all I've had is a completely grounded feeling. It's even more frustrating when I know God has gifted me tremendously in this area of my life, and that I get these almost premonitional feelings that they were given to me to be used in a huge capacity. I've had an especially frequent amount of heartburn for my worship songs, ones I know God has plans for because they are so incredibly anointed beyond my comprehension - like they were plucked right out of the angels' mouths in heaven. But still...no headway. It's one of the most frustrating things requiring a divinely-inspired amount of patience in this life: stewarding something with such huge potential, yet not seeing the return as quickly as we'd like.
Let me clear something up too: God's not coming to us like we're a lost and found either. He's not saying, "Oh yes! I misplaced this, thank you for returning it!" God was very intentional about what gifts He planted in our hearts. A few weeks back our pastor was talking a little about the Parable of the Talents, as found in Matthew 25:14-30. As someone who grew up in the church, this is one of those stories I've heard about a million-and-one times. But it's uncanny how God usually speaks through stuff we've heard a million-and-one times.
I was reflecting on this story a couple months back while driving to a gig one day, and it was like God revealed a long-awaited answer to me in a flash. I'd asked God to deal with my heart concerning my gifts and the way my heart burned like a wildfire to use them in huge ways. It's a big burden to carry. But God brought to mind this parable, and it sparked the answer to a question I've had for a very long time: why does the master commend the first and the second servants equally? The first servant was given 5 talents, and he invested them and returned 10 to the master; the second servant was given 2 talents, and he invested them and returned 4 to the master...but the master commended both servants verbatim, saying "Well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master."
I've always wondered why the master commends them equally. The first servant returned with way more talents for the master's use, but the master saw no difference. Why? Because God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). It all boils down to what the servants did with what the master gave them: they invested it. As long as we give all the effort we can to invest with what God gives us, God will count the return by His economy, not our. Thank God.
You see, a huge factor in all this is not what the first two servants returned with, but what they were given. At the beginning of the parable, Jesus says something reassuring in Mt. 25:15: he says the master gave them talents "each according to his ability." That's where God struck a chord in me. All this time, I've been wondering why my worship songs weren't getting out there like Hillsong's or even the church we attend, Elevation. We are part of such a dynamic move of God through Elevation church, but as close as it is to my grasp, my dreams couldn't seem further away. But through this parable, God wanted me to rest in the fact that it's ok to be the second servant. I have to be ok with my current role as the middle man. Why? Is God trying to make me settle for less? No. He's trying to make me realize that all these other people I'm comparing myself to, all the success around me that I'm envious of, is all because God has gifted those people in different capacities, perhaps with more talents, more opportunities, more connections, more pathways - according to their ability.
Right now, in the very place I'm at, in the very place you're at in your life, God has given us talents according to our abilities right now. Not according to our future abilities, or our past abilities for that matter. He's observing how we invest what He's given us right now. Our current abilities may not be able to handle all the burdens and responsibilities that come with using our gifts on a grand scale. And that makes you really appreciate the one who are using the same gifts God's given you, only on a grand scale. Maybe someday I'll be ready to handle the pressure and weight that comes with using my songwriting on a grand scale, but I'm definitely not ready yet. In the meantime, though, it's still my responsibility to give all the energy I've got investing what God did give me...even if it's only 2 talents for now.
I suppose the second servant could have chosen to become envious of the first servant, saying, "No fair, master! Why does he get 5 but I only get 2?" Pout pout, wah wah. But here's the thing: if I don't invest what I have, even if it's only 1 talent like the notorious third servant got, I will not be entrusted with more someday. God only entrusts more to those who prove they can manage less. Once God sees that you have invested to the fullness of your ability with the little He's given you, He will give you more. It's like a father watching a child eat dinner - once the child has polished off the mashed potatoes, scarfed down the chicken nuggets, and given a valiant effort on the creamed corn, the father will gladly put some more nuggets and taters on the child's plate when the child is ready for it - along with some tasty carrot cake!
Now that I'm hungry, let me conclude with a message to those of us who are the second servant in the story: we have to be ok with it! It's not a demotion. It's not God dissin' us. It's Him protecting us from being in a position outside our ability to handle. Just be faithful with what you've been given right now and invest it. Only then can God trust you with more. And that is extremely comforting to a discouragement-ridden soul - it's the healing for the heartburn.
Our passions are good, God-given even. Every passion at its core is a gift of God and an avenue to honor Him, help others on their journey and bring us to a point of personal wholeness. Even the most grotesque, hell-bent, soul-degenerating "passions" have their root in God's design. The root of pornography is lust, and when we ask God redeem the lust in our hearts, we notice that at its root, lust is warped love. God gifted this world with a clean, healthy, Christ-centered version of love; but in humanity's brokenness, we warped love into something more artificial, something easier to replicate and quicker to satiate our need for love. Hence, pornography. Make sense? For more on this, see John Eldredge's fabulous book, Desire.
So, that's where my passion for songwriting enters again. You see, my God-given passion for songwriting soured. My passion was being fed by entitlement. I felt I had the right to expect God to use my songwriting gifts in the way I wanted, in the ways I thought best - according to my own agenda. And like any tree, when it's fed by something other than what God intended (like entitlement), it is slowly warped and dies. Try growing a sapling using only Dr. Pepper instead of water and see what happens.
It's about more than just a nonchalant attitude concerning our giftings and passions - like, "Here ya go, God, I guess this is yours. I'm not where I'd rather be in life, but I guess I owe you this much." That clenched-fist mentality in regards to what we're passionate about will get us nowhere quick; thinking only in terms of our agenda instead of God's purpose will undercut our very souls, along with God's plan for our lives.
For the past couple years, I have been so frustrated that my songwriting hasn't gone much farther than family and relatively close friends. I've been so tense and antsy for my songwriting to sprout wings and fly into the blue sky by-and-by, but all I've had is a completely grounded feeling. It's even more frustrating when I know God has gifted me tremendously in this area of my life, and that I get these almost premonitional feelings that they were given to me to be used in a huge capacity. I've had an especially frequent amount of heartburn for my worship songs, ones I know God has plans for because they are so incredibly anointed beyond my comprehension - like they were plucked right out of the angels' mouths in heaven. But still...no headway. It's one of the most frustrating things requiring a divinely-inspired amount of patience in this life: stewarding something with such huge potential, yet not seeing the return as quickly as we'd like.
Let me clear something up too: God's not coming to us like we're a lost and found either. He's not saying, "Oh yes! I misplaced this, thank you for returning it!" God was very intentional about what gifts He planted in our hearts. A few weeks back our pastor was talking a little about the Parable of the Talents, as found in Matthew 25:14-30. As someone who grew up in the church, this is one of those stories I've heard about a million-and-one times. But it's uncanny how God usually speaks through stuff we've heard a million-and-one times.
I was reflecting on this story a couple months back while driving to a gig one day, and it was like God revealed a long-awaited answer to me in a flash. I'd asked God to deal with my heart concerning my gifts and the way my heart burned like a wildfire to use them in huge ways. It's a big burden to carry. But God brought to mind this parable, and it sparked the answer to a question I've had for a very long time: why does the master commend the first and the second servants equally? The first servant was given 5 talents, and he invested them and returned 10 to the master; the second servant was given 2 talents, and he invested them and returned 4 to the master...but the master commended both servants verbatim, saying "Well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master."
I've always wondered why the master commends them equally. The first servant returned with way more talents for the master's use, but the master saw no difference. Why? Because God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). It all boils down to what the servants did with what the master gave them: they invested it. As long as we give all the effort we can to invest with what God gives us, God will count the return by His economy, not our. Thank God.
You see, a huge factor in all this is not what the first two servants returned with, but what they were given. At the beginning of the parable, Jesus says something reassuring in Mt. 25:15: he says the master gave them talents "each according to his ability." That's where God struck a chord in me. All this time, I've been wondering why my worship songs weren't getting out there like Hillsong's or even the church we attend, Elevation. We are part of such a dynamic move of God through Elevation church, but as close as it is to my grasp, my dreams couldn't seem further away. But through this parable, God wanted me to rest in the fact that it's ok to be the second servant. I have to be ok with my current role as the middle man. Why? Is God trying to make me settle for less? No. He's trying to make me realize that all these other people I'm comparing myself to, all the success around me that I'm envious of, is all because God has gifted those people in different capacities, perhaps with more talents, more opportunities, more connections, more pathways - according to their ability.
Right now, in the very place I'm at, in the very place you're at in your life, God has given us talents according to our abilities right now. Not according to our future abilities, or our past abilities for that matter. He's observing how we invest what He's given us right now. Our current abilities may not be able to handle all the burdens and responsibilities that come with using our gifts on a grand scale. And that makes you really appreciate the one who are using the same gifts God's given you, only on a grand scale. Maybe someday I'll be ready to handle the pressure and weight that comes with using my songwriting on a grand scale, but I'm definitely not ready yet. In the meantime, though, it's still my responsibility to give all the energy I've got investing what God did give me...even if it's only 2 talents for now.
I suppose the second servant could have chosen to become envious of the first servant, saying, "No fair, master! Why does he get 5 but I only get 2?" Pout pout, wah wah. But here's the thing: if I don't invest what I have, even if it's only 1 talent like the notorious third servant got, I will not be entrusted with more someday. God only entrusts more to those who prove they can manage less. Once God sees that you have invested to the fullness of your ability with the little He's given you, He will give you more. It's like a father watching a child eat dinner - once the child has polished off the mashed potatoes, scarfed down the chicken nuggets, and given a valiant effort on the creamed corn, the father will gladly put some more nuggets and taters on the child's plate when the child is ready for it - along with some tasty carrot cake!
Now that I'm hungry, let me conclude with a message to those of us who are the second servant in the story: we have to be ok with it! It's not a demotion. It's not God dissin' us. It's Him protecting us from being in a position outside our ability to handle. Just be faithful with what you've been given right now and invest it. Only then can God trust you with more. And that is extremely comforting to a discouragement-ridden soul - it's the healing for the heartburn.
